Back!

If you haven't read this post and this post, you have been missing out! Read them now.

A couple of my grade 11s were talking about a kid in school who was trying to convince them that 2012 was going to happen. That we will be hit by meteors, etc. I asked them who the kid was and, lo and behold, it's my former student. Oh happy days! I asked them if they had any more tales from him. They repeated a few I already knew (and posted) but here are a couple more that they SWEAR he said. I totally believe them.

- Him and his dad lifted a car engine, by hand, and put it back into said car.

- His dad once benched 1 000 pounds.

I miss teaching this kid! What a weirdo.

An Honest Mistake

I asked one of my grade 10s to write on the big calendar that we have an optics test next Thursday.

She wrote: Optits Test.

The 13 year old boy within me laughed a bit.

Their purrs help with the fingerprintin'

From one of my colleagues:

Situation: A grade 12 Biology class

Scenario: A paper mock-up of the process of DNA fingerprinting (specifically, a paternity case). Students need to cut up DNA sequences at a restriction enzyme sequence and use a 'probe' to identify matching coding sequences.


The coding sequence: CAT

The probe: GTA (obviously ;) )

Overheard:

Partners at one desk:

"Got all the CATs highlighted?"
"yeah"
"ok, go through them now and add the GTAs"

kid at neighbouring desk:

"I really don't get what this has to do with cats"

Movember

So if you are reading this and don't know who I am, well I rock a beard and have for the last few years.

However, I shaved it off at the start of at the end of October for Movember. I have been growing it back steadily over the last couple of weeks and I have been getting my students to vote on the moustache style I should shave it into. I figure a quarter a vote would be a good way to help raise a bit of money for prostate cancer.

Anyways, I was talking with my period 3 grade 10s about how if the zorro style 'stache wins (which it currently is...) I'd had to have a bit of a five o'clock shadow (so it doesn't look as creepy). To which one of them interjects:

"Oh, my mom has one of those."

This same student, minutes later, asked if wintergreen lifesavers were only available during the winter.

It should be noted that she is the one to ask the 2011 question, previously posted.

So this just happened...

"Sir, it's 2011, right?"

Good Luck With That

An assembly was held period 4 yesterday to recognize the students who achieved either honours (+80%) or merit (75-79%) in their courses from the previous year.

On Wednesday I asked my period 4 class "Who is attending the awards assembly tomorrow?" so I could get an idea of how many would be absent. Three of them spoke up and said they were going. Cue this student who was clearly half listening...

Student: "Sir, is there, like, a buy-out for that thing tomorrow?"

Me: "Yeah. Go back to last year and do better in all of your classes"

I'm a dick.

Complex equations

The desks in my lab inevitably fill with garbage. Many students feel that the desks are their own personal garbage can. It is disgusting and every couple weeks I pick a student, who is being a jackass in class, and get them to clean ALLL of them. Free labour!

However, at the end of some days I will walk around and clean up some of the more offending messes AND, every now and then, I will find notes or doodles which I find hilarious. The one i'm about to share is just plain weird. [This has been transcribed as accurately as possible (the penmanship is awful)]

Safatuation + Bball Manager = FUN, tournaments, honour of giving C. THUNDER water, towels & massages
         = MAD
      PUSSY

Unbelievable

I'm currently covering a grade 9 essential level math class. Luckily there are only 7 students and they are relatively quiet. This isn't really interesting at all. Just thought i'd mention it. What really caught my attention was the instructions left by the teacher. Below the teaching instructions were specific information items pertaining to a few students. I have never seen anything like this written down before. Here it is! (names have been changed):

John Smith: he has an epipen, what causes his reactions are unknown, please keep an eye on him and be prepared to administer the Epipen if he needs it.


Jane Doe may have difficulty breathing if she gets bumped, or hit on the chest, is she is having any difficulty, call 911 immediately.


Jen Brown has health issues and she may appear to be space out from time to time; she may be having hallucinations. If she has to leave the classroom have another student accompany her (she has never asked to leave the classroom, so you should not really worry).


How awful is this teacher's grammar? I mean I understand you're a math teacher, but please.

"This just in..."

airplanes eat hawks. (according to one of our grade 9 students).

Gross

I overheard a grade 11 student say this while preparing for a lab activity involving food:

My hands haven't been this clean in, like, two years!

I really could have gone without that information.

Physics!

Parent teacher night! Right now! Woo!

Guess how many parents I've seen so far? 1...and we're a half hour into a 2 hour run. Someone kill me...

My assitant head is our resident physics teacher and tonight it is getting a bad rap:

"My daughter heard physics is hard. Should she still take it next semester?"

This is just one comment out of many that are usually thrown around about this branch of the sciences.

However, one of our school's star students came by, randomly, to inform my assistant head that he will be in his grade 12 physics class next semester. We procedeed to tell the student that physics has been getting dumped on tonight. His response made me smile:

"There's nothing wrong with some physics. It's what makes the world work!"

Awesome.

Rich!

If I had a dollar for every student who told me they "need math and science because I want to be a C.S.I." I would have many, many dollars...

Maybe Newton was wrong...

This one from a colleague of mine.

A question from a lab:

"When we use the gas jets in class for Bunsen burners, why does the flame not travel down the pipe and cause an explosion?"

Answer: "Because the flame is forced up by gravity."

High Level Skills

This one from the grade 12 university level biology course:

One student remarked while constructing a model of a phospholipid bilayer (think cell membrane), "Sir, I don't know how am I suppose to make this model in 3D."

I was covering a class on Monday when a student (who is unknown to me, by the way) asks "Sir, were you at the [small town] fair on Friday night?"

Me: "Yeah. Where was I when you saw me?"

Student: "You were walking that way." [she point ahead of her while delivering this statement.]

What I actually said: "Oh, you mean the midway."

What I wanted to say: "Could you be anymore vague? What does that even mean?!"

I think I made the right choice. Normally I wouldn't pass up an opportunity like this but I figured I didn't know the student and it would be a really bad first impression. Some of my colleagues disagree, however.

A Productive Use of Time

A grade 12 student was talking to one of my colleagues about another teacher whose last name is a type of cheese.

"Miss, Mr. Cheese wanted to know if I had a fourth period prep. I told him 'No' and asked him why. He said 'Oh, that's too bad. I wanted you to wax my car.'"

Happy Friday!

One of my colleagues relayed this one to me. One of our VPs told her this.

Two girls were talking outside after one of our many fights this past week.

I guess Girl #1 was talking quite a bit and not allowing Girl #2 to get a word in edgewise.

Girl #2: "Could you PLEASE let me talk?! Like, shut your mouth, i'm not a dick."

Getting Warmer...

My department head came in to tell me this one. He was walking through one of our colleagues' room to access our supply room (presumably) when he witnessed this exchange.


Teacher: "Ok ladies and gentlemen, what is the name of the first chemical on the board?" (presumably he was doing a lab and had a few listed on the blackboard along with the materials required for the lab)

Student: "uhhh 'physical'?"

Teacher: "Um, no. The first chemical listed on the board."

Student: "'Test tube'?"

Aaaaand we're back

Summer is gone and school is upon us!

My classes are decent so far. I don't have any standout assholes...yet. It's always hard to tell at first as the first two weeks are the honeymoon period. The real behaviour won't surface until next week at the earliest.

I was told that at some point during the second day of school a female student lost a tooth after a fight.


Yesterday I witnessed an autistic girl having a major freakout which required three staff members to subdue. They were kicked and scratched (hard enough to draw blood). Also, there was four fights during lunch. One was so bad that paramedics were called to the school.
 
Welcome back!
 

Teachers See Everything

End of the semester! Woo!

I was just putting some old textbooks in a locker outside our Science office (space is at a premium and we don't want to get rid of some of our old books...so we store them in a vacant locker) which we keep unlocked because, let's face it, what kid wants to steal a grade 10 science book?

Anyways, I opened it to find 5 empty beer bottles, an empty mickey of Crown Royal and Ballantine's scotch.

How much do you want to bet they belonged to the grade 12 student occupying the locker 4 down from this?

Looks like someone just saved 70 cents off their beer purchase this weekend. Thanks kid!

Say Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?

Overheard this from a colleague who is marking exams.

"There are no coyotes in the ocean. They can't swim."

Great job!

Dear Diary...

One of the questions on my grade 11 biology exam has to do with comparing Natural Selection (Darwin) to the Theory of Acquired Characteristics (LaMarck). They are given a statement ("Cheetahs are the fastest land animal on Earth") and they have to write 'journal entries' as both LaMarck and Darwin explaining how this came to be.

Most of the time I just get a couple paragraphs that are written like they were taken from a textbook but sometimes I get full-on journal entries:

Dear Notebook:

I've been studying cheetahs for a while now and it seems to me that cheetahs run rather fast. I've come to the conclusion that this is because all the running they do has stretched their legs and made them as fast as they are today. This theory might show Darwin up ;D

-Your's truly, LaMarck

Should I deduct marks? LaMarck developed the Theory of Acquired Characteristics before Darwin was born and died 30 years before the publication of On the Origin of Species.

Like Hanta!

I raced to a computer to put this one up.

Overheard some grade 9 girls talking about punching another girl in the stomach.

student 1: "You can't punch her in the stomach. She is pregnant. It's illegal and you'll be charged with murder."

student 2: "I don't get that. If you punch her in the stomach, you get charged with murder but she can have an abortion."

student 1: "Yeah but she decides to have that."

student 2: "But it's like the same thing."

I fled to post this and also for fear that this level of stupidity and ignorance is airborne and incredibly contagious.

Ridiculousness

I am marking some of the culminating activities I have received, thus far, from my grade 10s. They better hurry. There is only 20 minutes left until the drop-dead deadline.

One of the questions I asked had to do with adding an animal to the terrariums they constructed. I basically asked them what animal would you add to their terrariums and what would be the advantages/disadvantages to the environment in doing so. Oh, did I mention their terrariums are, at most, the size of pickle jars, most are smaller.

Here are some of the gems I have come across so far:

- "I would introduce a rabbit because they populate at a fast rate and they can eat the plants in the ecosystem."

- "If I were to introduce an animal to the environment I would choose deer."

- "I would introduce a giraffe...they are calm animals."

I NEED to find these miniature animals!

End of Semester...

Exams start this week so this ends up being the time of year where students beg and plead to pass. It's not like they have the entire semester to do well. News flash: the final week of class is NOT the time to start caring about whether you get your credit or not.

I digress.

This is also the time when you see students you haven't in quite awhile. I had a grade 11 student show up today after a few weeks of total absentia and say 'I heard we were doing the pig dissection'. 'This is day three of three, you've come in halfway through class and you have been absent for three weeks. How do you plan on fixing this?' I'm pretty sure she answered but I was too annoyed to pay attention. I gave her the assignment, the website to the virtual pig dissection and sent her to the library.

My department head was telling me about one of his grade 12's who is failing his class with 4%. 4%! How do you even manage that? Well that was a question proposed by one of his high achieving seniors.

student: "4%?! How can someone even get that?"

teacher: "Well you could ask him, but as you can see [student fail] isn't here to ask" *as he says this he gestures towards student fail's seat.*

student: "[sf] is in this class?!?!"

THAT's how you get 4%. Attend class so irregularly that your own classmates don't know that you're in the class.

The end of the semester infuriates me but it is RIPE for blog entries.

Pig Names!

It's that time of year again...

Carlos
Manbearpig *..i think was used last semester, as well.*
Pablo
Hubert
Little Bird

From my Dept. Head:

Penny
Porkchop
Bacon
Mirea Scott Jr.
Piig *think Ikea product*
Shanaynay
Los Angeles

Of Course!

student: "Sir, when I went out to B.C. there was this store called Goats on the Roof, and there was actually goats on the roof."

teacher: "Oh yeah? Well I guess that makes sense. What did they sell there?"

student (somewhat indignantly): "You know, like grocery store stuff."

teacher:" Oh. Sorry. I didn't realize that grocery items were the obvious assumption."

Of Mice and Men

So today in class I mentioned that I ran into another teacher at my aunt's visitation last night. They proceeded to tell me how weird (which I knew) and creepy this teacher is. Here is my favourite:

"Sir, he thinks he is the reincarnation of John Steinbeck."

so depressing...

the last unit i covered in grade 10 is the optics unit. it is new to the curriculum and i don't like it. that has nothing to do with this story. what does, however, is the fact that the calculations involved use negative numbers. a lot. and my academics are just HORRIBLE with them. it's quite frustrating.

i made a comment to one of them that once you have been working with them for long enough it becomes automatic. like breathing. i also said that i've been working with negatives since before they were born. which is true, sadly. i was 14 when they were born! mannn...scary.

at this point, my colleague who heard this exchange from the room next door (our rooms are connected) came in just to make sure he heard me correctly. he laughed. and then i pointed out that he was older than me.

yeah. this is a bit depressing.

Sass-back!

From my colleague:

I asked a female student, who was listening to her iPod loudly, to turn it off because I don't want to hear it anymore.

Her response?

"Well just go over there and you won't hear it."

"Well how about you just go to the office and then I won't be able to hear it".....was what I should have said.

I sent her to the office, sans clever comeback.

So wrong.

Yesterday, one of my colleagues was asked by our VP to help "give a student a shower" with the assitance of one of our EAs.

Yup.

He didn't, by the way.

More from the Weird Kid!

From my colleague:

Weird Kid: "Mr. sir (he always calls my colleague this...needless to say, his last name is not 'Sir'), I see you got your Jeep fixed. I'm happy that you did...but burgundy, sir? That's not a very manly colour."

Teacher: "Ummmm..."

WK: "My dad has a burgundy car...but he also has a lot of guns."

Yes. This really did happen.

Gallus domesticus-asaurus?

I had to get this one up as quick as possible.

From my dept head (courtesy of Twitter):

Just got asked by a gr 12 student if the chicken skeleton in my lab was a dinosaur. A DINOSAUR.

I love my job.

That's what you call hitting the nail on the head...

So remember that kid in my class who lies... a lot? Well, surprisingly, he makes quite a bit of enemies mainly due to the fact that he doesn't shut his mouth. Ever. And he is just angry at everyone.

Big mouth: "I wonder what I could have done to piss off so many people?"
BM's lab partner: "I could think of a few things."

I had to try really hard not to laugh at that deadpan response.

Darmok and Jalad at Tanagra

More from the weird kid!

He was talking to some of his classmates about gay marriage.

Weird kid: "I believe that marriage should be between a man and a woman"

*The other kids must have responded with some degree of shock and disbelief to this based on the WK's response...but I couldn't hear them*

WK: "What? Just because I watch Star Trek doesn't mean I'm open minded."

I'm curious as to his views regarding Jadzia Dax and his/her sexual relations.

Budget Issues

Due to many factors this year, our school is running out of coverages. Teachers are allocated so many times that they can 'cover' a teacher who is absent per school year. This has been set in the Collective Agreement between our union and the school board. At any rate, the number of coverages available for admin to assign is slowly dwindling (I have four to go before I'm maxed out and there is still roughly 6 - 7 weeks left of school). Also, our school's supply budget is apparently quite low.

Why am I mentioning all of this? Because of all of this, our admin has decided to ISU pretty much every grade 12 university prep class. I remember when I was in high school I was psyched when I got an ISU. It was the best. However, there is just way too many right now. I had one student say this to me:

ISU's are great...until you have way too many of them.

You know there are too many ISUs when the STUDENTS start complaining about them.

Weirdest Kid Ever

There is this grade 9 student in my colleague's period 4 class that is just strange. Everything about the kid is weird. Here is one small reason why:

Student: "Sir, do know what I'm having for dinner tonight?"
Teacher: "Uhhhh....no."
Student: "I hope I'm having chicken. It's delicious!"

Wow.

Fashion over Function

Yesterday was our first of two Orienteering meets! Orienteering is bascially cross country with a scavenger hunt component to it. Participants have to find certain number of 'controls' in order while completing the course as quickly as possible.

This year the course was much more difficult mostly because of some of the control placements. There was at least one or two that were located by raspberry bushes (read: thorns). Most of my students came by torn up and bleeding.

I overheard the coach of another school talking to one of his senior females about the race...

Teacher: "Good job!"
Student: "Thanks, sir. I'm bleeding!" (her calves were torn to hell by the raspberry thorns and she was wearing 3/4 length tights, fyi)

Teacher: "That's why I told you yesterday to wear long pants."
Student: "Yeah. I know. But these are so cute!"

It's hard to argue with logic like that.

Not sure John Hughes would approve...

Our school has an In-School Suspension Room. It is a place where students who consistently break the rules go to quietly think about their actions and get caught up on work they have missed due to these poor decisions. They are not supposed to talk or leave the classroom for any reason. Their lunch is at a different time from the rest of the student population so that they have minimal interactions with their friends. Needless to say, the clientelle in this room on any given ISSR day (the room is 'in action' fairly infrequently) are, generally, not the cream of the crop of our student population.

One of my colleagues was discussing this room with some of his grade 12 students who just couldn't understand how someone could end up in this situation. However, I think they summed up the ISSR population very well with this statement:

"It's like the Breakfast Club...with assholes."

JUST overheard this doozy (subject line of the email sent to me...

...from my colleague:

"Sir, is it true that if the baby has hair on its head, that gives the mother heartburn?"

That clunking sound you heard was my jaw dropping.

I love my job

I started the Ecology unit with my grade 10s today. During the introductory lesson with my period 3 class I mentioned, somewhat off-topic, that I am opposed to killing things just for the sake of killing them and that I detest even killing spiders in the house. At this point one of my more vocal students in the class interjected with this comment:

"Every time I kill a spider I feel as if other spiders are looking at me... silently judging."

So dumb...

This one comes from one of my colleagues...

Student 1: "Can I hook up a circuit to your lip ring?"

Student 2: "But that would be like science stuff going through my lip."

Teacher: *a soft sigh*

This Kid is a Gold Mine!

Here is another gem given to me last week by my storyteller of period 3:


Apparently, this young man has a picture in his house of his grandmother holding an AK-47. She was 75 at the time the picture was taken. In the same breath he also claims that his grandfather, who is currently 90, fought in WWI, WWII and the Cold War (not quite sure what he was 'fighting' in the Cold War...).


Side note:

My brother and I were talking about this student and his stories this past weekend when he said this: "Imagine if you went to this kid's house and EVERYTHING was true. There's a wrecked Ferrari in the driveway. You walk in to the house and his dad, wearing a priest's collar, says 'Hello my son. Sorry I didn't hear you come in as I was in the backyard chemical engineering'. His grandmother is downstairs cleaning and repairing her AK-47..."

This went on for a little while. It was hilarious.

I WISH I had a bongo!

I just asked one of my colleagues if I had shown him my blog yet. One of my misfits (the kids who hang out in my room at lunch...I refer to them as my misfits...as in the island of misfit toys) totally misheard me...

Me: "Hey sir, have you seen my blog yet?"
Student: "You have a bongo? *pause* Wait. I didn't hear that right did I?"
Me: "Not even close"

"To Obtain a Special Dialing Wand Please Mash the Keypad Now."

This happened about a half hour ago....finally caught up!


Our department recently came into some money via a contest won through a large computer and electronics chain. Long story short, we bought a 'netbook lab'. 20 netbooks to wheel between classrooms for our students to research, etc. They are not univerally loved by students based mainly on that fact that they are small. Here is one such complaint which I found hilarious.



Student: "I hate these computers"
Me: "What? Why?"


Student: "My fingers don't work with them."

Sometimes I Feel Bad for Laughing

Last Thursday was the OSSLT (Ontario Secondary School Literacy Test) which is written by Grade 10 students...and any older students who failed it the first...or second time.

My period 3 class was wrapping up for the day last Wednesday when I wished them all luck on the test tomorrow.

One of my female students, quite loud I should add, yelled "WHAT?!"

I'm really hoping that she thought I was referring to a test in my class and not that she forgot about a test that we have had assembly after assembly about over the last few weeks.

At any rate, it was funny and the whole class had a good laugh at her expense. Sorry!

Tall Tales

There is a male student in my period 3 grade 10 class that is always talking. Always. Some of the anecdotes he shares to me or whoever will listen seem a bit too unbelievable. He made some comment a little while back (which I forget! and am kicking myself for not writing it down...) that seemed like a blatant lie. I decided to ignore it and not call him on it. I was informed by a couple of his peers that he has been churning out these comments since elementary school. They shared a few with me. I had to write fast so I think I missed a few:

- He once surfed a wave higher than the school. (I presume he was referring to his elementary school at the time which is only 1 floor in height and not 3 like the high school...)

- His father is a priest and chemical engineer. Oh, and he fought in Desert Storm.

- He crashed a Ferrari

- His car insurance is $10,000/year...presumably because of the accident. (oh...and he is only 15 years old)

His latest?

- He has slept with 30 of his past 50 girlfriends.

This just in: teachers are just like everyone else!

Some of my grade 10s were having an animated discussion regarding which teachers are hot when one of them asked me:

"Sir, what do teachers do for romance? Like, do you sit around marking papers?"

He was totally serious. I can't even remember how I answered this, to be honest. I was so stunned by the question.

I find notes!

I love finding notes!

Student 1: "have you ever seen mississipi burning?"
Student 2: "Nope Why?"

S1: "I have to watch it and its about the KKK and im the only black guy in my class. i'm kinda scared"
S2: "which class?"

S1: "English. its horrible they burn crosses and stuff and they do horrible stuff to black people"
S2: "Who's the teacher? Did u make fun of her? Maybe that's why she's making u watch it."

S1: "never she loves me"
S2: "is she asian?"

S1: "Is she asian?"
S2: "Nope pure white"

Temporal Specificity

I've been neglecting this. I blame March Break...

I frequently overhear conversations between students in the hall. I forgot most of them as I hear so many. This one stuck in my head.

Student 1: "What time are hockey tryouts?"
Student 2: "4 to 5"

Student 1: "What a stupid time. Why wouldn't it be 5 to 4?"
Student 2: "...what? that doesn't make sense."

Student 1: "Yeah. Four minutes to 5 is so specific."
Student 2: "Buddy. You're messed."

Teachers See Everything...spelled poorly.

This past year our school has been hit with a graffiti epidemic. The boys bathrooms have been the primary target and everyone is getting frustrated with it. However, this next piece is just hilarious in its irony. (The teacher's name has been blurred out for obvious reasons)

Spending more time in class with his "fucking deuche" of an English teacher may actually help him to aspire to something a little more dignified than tagging high school bathrooms. Or not. Whatever.

Baby Electrons!

Today I was teaching my grade 10s the concept of covalent bonding in molecules. I had just made the point that two hydrogen atoms will share their electron with each other so in effect they will each have two. I went on further to state that because each atom's electronegativity (their ability to hold on to electrons) is equal to the other each atom will hold on equally strong to both electrons.

One student piped up with this interesting analogy:

Student: "So the hydrogen atoms would be like the parents and the two valence electrons would be their children."

Me: "That is a great analogy! The only difference being that the children aren't orbiting the parents at the speed of light."

That was met a little bit of pity laugher. I REALLY need to this on one of my colleagues.

*Edit: Tried it on one of them. Fell flat. Boo! I thought it was clever.

A new fashion trend, perhaps?

Today my grade 10s are doing a chemistry lab that involves some potentially dangerous chemicals and, therefore, need to wear safety glasses. The text also tells them to wear aprons. I don't make this mandatory as I think it's overkill. Invariably, however, there will be at least one student who WANTS to wear them. It doesn't tend to last long as they trap heat like crazy.

I have one (male) student right now who has been rockin the apron for the better part of the period and when I asked if he was "getting hot yet", he answered "No, but this apron is slimming!"

I was unprepared for this response and laughed quite a bit.

I really have no basis for comparison

I'm not sure if I mentioned this before (and I'm really too lazy to check) but I have a group of kids who hang out in my classroom at lunch. They eat, socialize, play computer games, etc.

One just walked in and said to another whilst holding out a book: "Best fairy book ever!"

I have been missing out on this entire genre!

Maybe they have pet mites?

This comes from a friend of mine who is an elementary teacher. The student is in grade 2.
--------------------------------------------
The class and I were reading a book about a bear going to look for honey. Naturally, we started talking about bees when one student put up his hand and said...

Student: Did you know that there is a queen bee?

Me: Yes I do. They are pretty big.

Student: Ya I know. If I were a bee I would be the king bee and my cat would be the queen.

Me: There is no king bee, just a queen.

Student: Do bees have pets?

Me: No, they can't because they are only insects and insects don't have pets

Student: *laughs out loud*

----------------------------------------------------

Also, apparently this student looks (and acts) like the kid from UP. In my mind, this makes it 10x more hilarious.

As if I needed another reason to not teach elementary school...

This one is from a friend of one my colleagues. (This is paraphrased as I wasn't there and the details were relayed to me via text message)

Student: [directed at another student] "You're a retard!"
Teacher: "Do you know what that means?"
Student: "Yes. It's when two women love each other."

A great answer to a common question

From my dept. head:

"Sir, are we doing anything today?"

"Absolutely nothing. You are going to sit at your desks with your heads down and you will meditate the entire period."

Sarcasm is alive and well in our department!

Highlight of the semester

It is now one week until first semester final exams and that means fetal pig dissection time for my grade 11 biology students. This involves a lot of paper towel, soap, hand sanitizer and always leads to some interesting tidbits: (this will be updated over the next few days i'm sure)


1. Pig names
Babe (i usually have at least two per class)
Spartacus
Skinny
Dirty Infidel Animal (i've been told this is a tentative name...from an all islamic group in my Dept. Head's class)
ManBearPig
Jimmy
Ted
Jaqueline
Jimmy Page
Iggy the Piggy
Bertha
Sally
Hamlet
Bonquiqui
Bacon Deluxe

2. Snippets of conversation

"Pig everywhere I turn."

"Sir, I think my pig only has one ball."

Student:"Can I keep my pig's eyes?"
Me: "No and why would you want them?"
Student: "I wanted to pickle them and give them to a friend. He has a thing for eyes."

Hyperglycemia

The following little nugget was provided to me by one of my colleagues.

A few days ago one of his period 4 students proclaimed that he had drank the equivalent of 26 cans of coke. A quick calculation by my colleague: this kid had consumed over 1 kg of sugar.

I'm pretty sure you can hear him developing diabetes.

Vague, Ambiguous Titles

This gem is from my department head.

During lunch a few of his grade 9 and 12 students were in his classroom eating their lunch and, presumably, doing some school work. At one point, the grade 12 students were discussing the evolution themed video they had just watched in Biology class...

Teacher: "If you liked that video, you're going to LOVE this next one."

At this point he held up the DVD case for the NOVA documentary "Becoming Human"

One of his grade 9 students, who had evidently been eavesdropping on the conversation, chimed in: "What happens in it?"