JUST overheard:

"Man, class goes by fast when you actually work."

PS Sorry for the delay! I have been busy teaching, prepping, marking and everything else that goes along with this job.

Tough Decisions

It has been a little bit since my last post. There is a good reason for this, I promise.

It has come to my attention that there have been some teachers (in the States) that have received disciplinary action because of blogs they keep surrounding their classrooms and students. I was unsure of whether to continue this blog as I really do love my job and I wouldn't want to jeopardize it over such a silly thing.

However, I have decided to keep going for one simple reason: I like putting down into type some of the crazy things that I hear and see during my day. It allows me to look back and laugh when I'm having a particularly busy or just plain shitty day.

One thing is for sure, however. I will tone down my more negative stories (i.e. students acting disrespectful, etc.) since looking back on these ones just make me annoyed and this really doesn't help.

I need to stay positive!

Fresh start!

With that being said:

On Monday, I decided to make yogurt with my grade 11 college prep Biology class. Overall, I think they enjoyed it! Today we are going to mix some fruit/sugar/granola/whatever into it and eat it while watching the movie Outbreak (virology!). When I mentioned this plan on Tuesday, one of my students piped up:

"Sir, I'm not eating it."

"Why not? It's good for you!"

"I didn't know there was bacteria in yogurt until you told us."

"You mean the ingredient 'active bacterial cultures' didn't give it away on every single yogurt container you've ever encountered?"

To be honest, my last statement assumes they've actually READ the ingredients of yogurt. Big assumption on my part, I know.

Par for the course...

I can't complain about my classes this semester. For the most part I have some hard working kids! As I type this my grade 10s are working away on a chemistry assignment (you could almost hear a pin drop...if it wasn't for my incredibly loud and swiftly failing heating unit). However, I do have one grade 10 who is well known throughout the school as being an absolute asshole. He physically threatens other students (both male and female) and teachers (yup, you read that right, teachers). As a side-note: he is short and stocky. I just refer to him as the gremlin. Oh, and he is really only tolerable in class when he comes stoned (I wish I was kidding about this...).

I received an email from my principal yesterday asking if my attendance is correct: is the gremlin attending my class? Yup! Apparently mine is the only class he is attending...because he has two friends in it. And here I thought it was because I'm such an amazing teacher.

Fast forward to one hour ago: I receive an email from the principal stating that the gremlin has been suspended for persistant truancy and physically threatening a student whom he had previously threatened in November (which also resulted in a suspension). With that being said, guess who stroolllllls into my period 2 class (late, of course)?

Ummmm....Gremlin, you shouldn't be here. You're suspended.
What the fuck am I suspended for?
I guess you should go see {our male VP} and find out.

*The last line is what I actually said, what I wanted to say was:

Oh I don't know, maybe the fact that you skip every class but this one, you bully students and you are just a generally awful person. Leave.

That would probably come back to bite me.

Baby Names

A couple of students who hang out in my classroom at lunch were discussing the difficulty teachers must have in naming their children due to all of the students (good or bad) that they teach in their career. I told them that this is a very real problem for teachers. Long story short, I told them my daughter's name, as it is pretty unique. One of them made a comment:

"Sir, that's a pretty cool name! I can picture her being in a Viking metal band with that name. I think that she belongs in one."

Best comment all day.

Latin prefixes!

I was explaining to my grade 10's that the prefix 'tetra-' means four and, to keep it straight in their heads, I told them that we, as humans are all tetrapods (meaning four feet). One girl exclaims:

Cool! That's going to be my facebook status. *typing on her phone* "I...am...a...tetra..." Sir, how do you spell pod?


One part of me is excited that she learned something new. Another, larger part of me concerned with proper spelling, is weeping inside.

Hoth!

Today in 3C Bio we made candy cell membrane models that involved nibs, gummy worms, hershey's kisses and toothpicks. It is a pretty decent little activity to introduce the cell membrane and the functions it provides the cell. My clever/sarcastic student (let's call him Flask [his last name reminds me of a specific type ;) ]) decided to make an Imperial walker out of nibs and toothpicks. Turned out pretty well!

In his words, tasty AND destructive.

Cell Parts

My Bio 3C kids are learning about the cell and all of the organelles found within. Today is their quiz. It should be noted that I have students with a WIDE range of abilities. One of them in particular, while very nice, is a little slow on the uptake and makes some pretty hilarious comments. The best part is that he doesn't really get that what he is saying is incredibly stupid, for the most part. I have another student who is obviously quite strong academically and he makes the most hilarious (and sarcastic comments). A dynamic duo, no?

I'm looking forward to this semester!

"You mean all of these things are in one cell?!?"

"Welcome to Science!!"

Sem 2!

I have lots of students this semester so hopefully I'll have a lot to post.

Today while my 3C Bio kids were working on their cell parts flash cards I had one girl shocked when I mentioned that you had to write the function of the cell part on the back of each card.

 "Look! It's right there in the instructions."
"Sir! Who reads instructions?!"

Silly me!

Exams!

I'm knee deep in exam marking. The reccuring theme is awful spelling. I by no means am an English major (I'm mean just look at this sentence!). However, I do pride myself on my spelling. I LIKE to spell things properly. When words are incorrectly spelled I cringe. If I am typing (or writing) a word that I am not 100% sure on the spelling; I look it up!

With that being said, here are some structures in the fetal pig which I didn't know existed until a couple days ago: the gull bladder, diframe and both the imbril and embelaca cords.


Spelling aside, I have had so many terrible answers on these exams but I didn't write them down and I am too lazy to dig through them to find some. So here are ones that some of my colleagues told me:

Grade 9 Geography
The capital of Nunavut is Igneous.


The province with the greatest concentration is the USA (another kid answered China).


The Inuit people live in iglues.

Grade 10 Academic Science
Fluorescent lights in hospitals emit gamma rays.


Gold is now a non-metal.

Grade 11 University-Prep Biology
The aorta is now known as the abdomen long tube.


The gull bladder stores vile.

Grade 12 University-Prep Biology
We apparently all breathe hydrogen gas now.

A follow up to my last post.

I'm packing up to leave when I remembered something else that the student from the last post said. Not long after his first comment he wandered over to check out another group's dissection and made the comment.

"Man, your pig's heart is so gangsta'"

I couldn't help myself.

"First of all, that made absolutely no sense. Secondly, your comment earlier about the brain digesting knowledge was a great one, so great that I wrote it down. However, this comment pretty much negated the first one."

"You wrote it down? Wow, sir! Awesome!"

Sometimes I feel like I'm talking to little puppies.

An uncharacteristic moment of intelligence.

This exchange took place between myself and one of my weaker students (who is currently failing but is loving the pig dissection).

"Sir, the brain looks like a bunch of intestines."

"Well, yeah I guess it does. There are a lot of folds in it which give the appearance of looped coils."


"Yeah! The brain totally digests knowledge."

"Uhhh...yeah. That's actually a good point. Well put!"

Oh and pig names! This time around I have a smaller class and there were only five pigs dissected (four of which were named): Freddie, Eddie, Sue Fetal and Jose.

Turn of phrase?

One of my fourth period students told another student that he had a "fresh dougie". I have never heard this phrase before. So I asked her. Answer? A nice haircut. What?! I thought it sounded more like something you said if you had to take a poop.

'Excuse me, I'm going to go take a fresh dougie.'

I told my class this and they agree.

Follow up: The next day one of my stronger students told me that he using the phrase the way I thought it should be used. This made my day. Is that sad??

Digestive Confusion?

Next week is fetal pig dissection week. Exciting! This is about the time when some of my regularly non-attending students begin showing up sporadically. They are putting in their time so they can do the pig dissection. Guess what kiddies? You’re getting the virtual dissection. I’m not wasting a pig on you. They are going to be so pissed off on Monday. I’m not going to lie; I’m looking forward to calling them on their laziness. (As I’m typing this one of them just waltzed in; 30 minutes late!)


Today I showed a video on the human digestive system to wrap up the unit before we begin the dissection. It is fairly graphic, showing all aspects of digestion (except egestion). One scene shows chime (partially digested food) flowing through the first section of the small intestine. One of my infrequent attenders took time out from texting her friends to remark:

“Ugh…that looks like puke.”

“Well that’s because it is. That’s partially digested food…that’s what you puke.”

“Oh…uh…yeah I guess so.”

Back!

If you haven't read this post and this post, you have been missing out! Read them now.

A couple of my grade 11s were talking about a kid in school who was trying to convince them that 2012 was going to happen. That we will be hit by meteors, etc. I asked them who the kid was and, lo and behold, it's my former student. Oh happy days! I asked them if they had any more tales from him. They repeated a few I already knew (and posted) but here are a couple more that they SWEAR he said. I totally believe them.

- Him and his dad lifted a car engine, by hand, and put it back into said car.

- His dad once benched 1 000 pounds.

I miss teaching this kid! What a weirdo.

An Honest Mistake

I asked one of my grade 10s to write on the big calendar that we have an optics test next Thursday.

She wrote: Optits Test.

The 13 year old boy within me laughed a bit.

Their purrs help with the fingerprintin'

From one of my colleagues:

Situation: A grade 12 Biology class

Scenario: A paper mock-up of the process of DNA fingerprinting (specifically, a paternity case). Students need to cut up DNA sequences at a restriction enzyme sequence and use a 'probe' to identify matching coding sequences.


The coding sequence: CAT

The probe: GTA (obviously ;) )

Overheard:

Partners at one desk:

"Got all the CATs highlighted?"
"yeah"
"ok, go through them now and add the GTAs"

kid at neighbouring desk:

"I really don't get what this has to do with cats"

Movember

So if you are reading this and don't know who I am, well I rock a beard and have for the last few years.

However, I shaved it off at the start of at the end of October for Movember. I have been growing it back steadily over the last couple of weeks and I have been getting my students to vote on the moustache style I should shave it into. I figure a quarter a vote would be a good way to help raise a bit of money for prostate cancer.

Anyways, I was talking with my period 3 grade 10s about how if the zorro style 'stache wins (which it currently is...) I'd had to have a bit of a five o'clock shadow (so it doesn't look as creepy). To which one of them interjects:

"Oh, my mom has one of those."

This same student, minutes later, asked if wintergreen lifesavers were only available during the winter.

It should be noted that she is the one to ask the 2011 question, previously posted.

So this just happened...

"Sir, it's 2011, right?"

Good Luck With That

An assembly was held period 4 yesterday to recognize the students who achieved either honours (+80%) or merit (75-79%) in their courses from the previous year.

On Wednesday I asked my period 4 class "Who is attending the awards assembly tomorrow?" so I could get an idea of how many would be absent. Three of them spoke up and said they were going. Cue this student who was clearly half listening...

Student: "Sir, is there, like, a buy-out for that thing tomorrow?"

Me: "Yeah. Go back to last year and do better in all of your classes"

I'm a dick.

Complex equations

The desks in my lab inevitably fill with garbage. Many students feel that the desks are their own personal garbage can. It is disgusting and every couple weeks I pick a student, who is being a jackass in class, and get them to clean ALLL of them. Free labour!

However, at the end of some days I will walk around and clean up some of the more offending messes AND, every now and then, I will find notes or doodles which I find hilarious. The one i'm about to share is just plain weird. [This has been transcribed as accurately as possible (the penmanship is awful)]

Safatuation + Bball Manager = FUN, tournaments, honour of giving C. THUNDER water, towels & massages
         = MAD
      PUSSY