Teachers See Everything...spelled poorly.

This past year our school has been hit with a graffiti epidemic. The boys bathrooms have been the primary target and everyone is getting frustrated with it. However, this next piece is just hilarious in its irony. (The teacher's name has been blurred out for obvious reasons)

Spending more time in class with his "fucking deuche" of an English teacher may actually help him to aspire to something a little more dignified than tagging high school bathrooms. Or not. Whatever.

Baby Electrons!

Today I was teaching my grade 10s the concept of covalent bonding in molecules. I had just made the point that two hydrogen atoms will share their electron with each other so in effect they will each have two. I went on further to state that because each atom's electronegativity (their ability to hold on to electrons) is equal to the other each atom will hold on equally strong to both electrons.

One student piped up with this interesting analogy:

Student: "So the hydrogen atoms would be like the parents and the two valence electrons would be their children."

Me: "That is a great analogy! The only difference being that the children aren't orbiting the parents at the speed of light."

That was met a little bit of pity laugher. I REALLY need to this on one of my colleagues.

*Edit: Tried it on one of them. Fell flat. Boo! I thought it was clever.

A new fashion trend, perhaps?

Today my grade 10s are doing a chemistry lab that involves some potentially dangerous chemicals and, therefore, need to wear safety glasses. The text also tells them to wear aprons. I don't make this mandatory as I think it's overkill. Invariably, however, there will be at least one student who WANTS to wear them. It doesn't tend to last long as they trap heat like crazy.

I have one (male) student right now who has been rockin the apron for the better part of the period and when I asked if he was "getting hot yet", he answered "No, but this apron is slimming!"

I was unprepared for this response and laughed quite a bit.

I really have no basis for comparison

I'm not sure if I mentioned this before (and I'm really too lazy to check) but I have a group of kids who hang out in my classroom at lunch. They eat, socialize, play computer games, etc.

One just walked in and said to another whilst holding out a book: "Best fairy book ever!"

I have been missing out on this entire genre!

Maybe they have pet mites?

This comes from a friend of mine who is an elementary teacher. The student is in grade 2.
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The class and I were reading a book about a bear going to look for honey. Naturally, we started talking about bees when one student put up his hand and said...

Student: Did you know that there is a queen bee?

Me: Yes I do. They are pretty big.

Student: Ya I know. If I were a bee I would be the king bee and my cat would be the queen.

Me: There is no king bee, just a queen.

Student: Do bees have pets?

Me: No, they can't because they are only insects and insects don't have pets

Student: *laughs out loud*

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Also, apparently this student looks (and acts) like the kid from UP. In my mind, this makes it 10x more hilarious.

As if I needed another reason to not teach elementary school...

This one is from a friend of one my colleagues. (This is paraphrased as I wasn't there and the details were relayed to me via text message)

Student: [directed at another student] "You're a retard!"
Teacher: "Do you know what that means?"
Student: "Yes. It's when two women love each other."

A great answer to a common question

From my dept. head:

"Sir, are we doing anything today?"

"Absolutely nothing. You are going to sit at your desks with your heads down and you will meditate the entire period."

Sarcasm is alive and well in our department!